It made conversation easier not to mention you.
I'm sorry.
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It's not that I don't enjoy talking about you, it's just that the memories are bittersweet and telling new people can feel awkward.
Remembering how you felt, when you existed inside me is so special. How you moved and what you liked. Your big sister is delighted to know that you disliked marmite toast and cups of tea (two of my breakfast staples) so much that you would make me feel sick if I ate them! I don't think you were a fan of my singing, either, since you stayed ever so quiet during rehearsals.
But thinking about you and the plans I made brings back the memories of losing you, of how I found out that you had died, and how we had to say goodbye before we even said hello.
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You should be 18 months old now. You should be toddling about and starting to play with your sister.
You are missing out and I have missed you out.
I am sorry.
This makes me remember how much my children felt like people I knew even before they were born. I think that's the harder part to explain if you've never been pregnant, but you get so familiar with all these little habits long before birth.
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